It’s literally been forever since I last posted, it just shows how much life moves on and how everything gets back to a new normal, a testament to the human resilience in body and mind. I have started to write many times and then stopped, not really knowing the reason why I was writing…. but now I just feel compelled to get some thoughts down.
I’m currently sitting in Sheffield hospital for about the billionth time this year, waiting for the Dr to check the surgery I had 4 weeks ago and waiting for my MRI scan results. I know some of the staff now and it’s lovely to receive a smile and a knowing hello, I do wish it was in different circumstances though. This has kinda become my new normal now, a journey I take every couple of weeks and I know the walk from the station really well and I know that I can fit a whole true crime podcast into the walk which is always a bonus. Today though I was super late after my train was delayed and so I sprinted up from the station in full winter get up, arriving at the hospital in what can only be described as a pool of sweat, only to still be waiting an hour after my arrival for my appointment…. I am grateful though to be able to sprint from the train station, to be able to wait in the warm and dry for my super qualified Dr, I am very aware that for some this isn’t possible.
Life is a rollercoaster (not to quote Ronan Keating, although it is a cracking tune) isn’t it… it has it high points and then it’s utter depths of despair and sadness….I mean don’t get me wrong, life can be rich and full and tremendous and yellow but it can also be so so so scary, gut wrenching sad and black. So black. I have friends who are going through the most bloody awful times and it is heart breaking and I wish more than anything that I could take some of that pain and scariness away for them.
I started to wonder if it was an ‘age thing’ but even if it is, I’m not sure that you are ever fully prepared for friends or family members becoming ill or dying and so when it happens again and again, it’s like a repetitive punch in the stomach. It’s strange isn’t it that when you are young, you spend loads of time wishing you were older (or at least I did!) wanting to make decisions for yourself and be more independent….. but when it happens, it’s not necessary all that it cracks up to be…
Anywho, just a few thoughts today, I might bore you all with my new prosthetic eye fitting with ‘Eye Lady’ (not her real name) next time if you are all lucky….!
Keep keeping on folks and smile at at least two strangers today.