An ‘eyeball out’ kinda day

This wasn’t what this weeks blog was going to be about. I was going to write up a witty account of my experience of the many few media meetings that I have had recently, raising awareness of Ocular Melanoma and spreading the word to #checkyoureyes. However as ever in life, something else cropped up…..

When all of this eye cancer stuff began and s**t started to get real about losing my eye to have it replaced with a false/prosthetic one, I made a vow, a promise, a statement that I would never, ever, in a million years remove the aforementioned eye from my head for as long as there was breath in my body. The only time it would be removed was when somebody EXTREMELY qualified would do it to give me my permanent one and possibly a spit and polish once a year. And because I was soooooo sure that this would never, ever, ever, EVER happen, I think that I must have blocked out the section where Eye Lady (not her real name) told me exactly what to do if it DID happened…. I mean I was aware that there was a mini plunger involved, but I actually thought that this was given to me for comedic effect and there would be NO WAY that it would ever be used.

Not to scale….

It’s a bit like when I was at school, I only really zoned in on the bits of lessons that I deemed I would need in the future…. In hindsight maybe knowing about the political structure of the UK would have been most use to me currently….

Anyway…. I have set the scene. The temporary eye was in…. and was NOT coming out until I saw someone with a medical degree, therefore I didn’t feel the need to listen exactly to anything that Eye lady (not her real name) said about the returning of said eye back to its flappy eyelidded socket…… Oh how wrong I could be…

I had decided (in my wisdom) that I would head to London during half term with the chiblets to see a wonderful friend who had come over all the way from California with her daughter as part of their European tour. I had roped in the Mini Mermaid UK team in London to be the hosts, cooks, entertainers and tour guides, which left me just to waltz in to join all of the fun. I took the kids so we could #makememories and they could have a little break from everything that had been going on. We made it down there with no dramas and even negotiated my nemesis ‘The Underground’ to get to where the party was happening, both eyes were in…

After a night of rose, champers, fabulous food and being introduced to the infamous S’more biscuit dessert from the States (which are basically sweet crackers with melted chocolate and melted marshmallows in -note to self, giving them to the kids at 10pm at night was not the wisest choice…) both eyes were in….

After a restless night, both eyes were in….

I remember the exact time it happened…. it was 7.23am the eldest chiblet was up and had made banana bread with our amazing host and was out at the park…. the youngest chiblet was chilling with our other host, I literally felt that I was winning at life with both chiblets occupied. I had a great big stretch and attempted some half hearted yoga moves and then whilst I was sitting down, I had a momentary lapse in concentration and gave both of my eyes a big old rub……. suddenly I heard….’bounce, bounce, skid……..’ and then silence. My heart jumped into my throat and I could feel the colour drain from my face as the realisation hit me, I didn’t even have to look in the mirror, I just knew. Dropping to my knees I scurried across the floor praying that I would find the offending item and it hadn’t dropped through any of the floorboard cracks. Spotting it under the bed, I dived for it and grabbed it…… now what? What the heck was I going to do now… I desperately tried to remember what Eye Lady (not her real name) had said about returning the eye to it’s rightful socket but in that moment I was sweating, feeling sick and panicking that I was holding an eye in the palm of my hand and my flappy eyelid was there flapping away in the wind (N/B there was no wind in the room I was in, apart from the overwhelming feeling to trump due to the sick feeling in my stomach)

OK Hannah. Think… Think…Think for goodness sake! What ARE YOU GOING TO DO!!!! Right, first things first, clean it.

Over to the sink and I saw the expensive hand soap with extra vitamins and minerals in it (and some exfoliant in to make your hands super soft) thinking that this wouldn’t be the wisest choice I spun around and found the fragranced body wash in the shower,

‘That’ll do’ I panicked. Giving ‘the eye’ a quick wash (the strangest thing in the world holding and washing an eye) I was then faced with ‘to dry, or not to dry’ dilemma…. opting for ‘to dry’ I then had to face the reality that I would have to put it back into the socket…

OK, here goes…. this is it…. I’ve go this…. do I lift the flap up first or slot it in the bottom first? Oh my god, I feel a bit sick…. I can’t do this…. I can just leave it out… no one will know… nope this eye is staying out of the socket… pull yourself together… you can do this…. deep breaths…oh jesus, it’s all skin like…. erugh, look inside… oh my god…. ok, here goes…. please just go back in….

Lift, shove, blink and it was in…… ‘

Thank f**k for that….Hold on, that feels really weird and doesn’t look quite right….oh dear lord, what if I have put it in the wrong way round? Do you know what, i’m ok with a bit of pain and it being uncomfortable and looking odd… it can just stay like that until I see a medical professional next week….

I quickly put my eye patch back on (out of sight, out of mind and all that) and that is where we are at right now. It is still uncomfortable and looks just a bit strange but it is in and I have survived the first re instalment of ‘the eye’ and I think that I handled it with grace and dignity…..I’m pretty sure that Eye Lady (not her real name) would be proud of me too….. (she would probably roll her eyes and mutter under her breath about if I had listened to her the first time I would know EXACTLY what to do, but I am sticking with the thought that she would be proud…)

Until next time folks, try and keep your eyeballs in….


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