Days…or weeks like this…

To be perfectly honest, I have been really out of sorts since coming back from the Lakes. I can’t really put my finger on why…It could be leaving the most beautiful place, away from everything (including my brain), getting back into the mundane school routine, which I don’t think any one likes, working pretty much full time last week despite telling myself that I would take it easy, or it could just be one of those things that is part of recovering. Anyway, I am feeling frustrated by it, which is making the ‘out of sorts’ feeling worse. That coupled with my mate ‘insomnia’ who has come back to stay like an unwelcome guest, isn’t being helped by the fact that I feel like I have almost finished everything on Netflix AND the fact that I am coming down with a cold makes everything a bit ‘meh’ at the moment… cue the violins…. Running hasn’t even been helping (tell me about it, running usually sorts me right out!) and I cried off my run on Friday and forced myself out on Saturday…. which actually was a blessing in disguise as I hadn’t had a shower for a good couple of days and I defs needed one…. I think I know where my kids get their feral tendencies from…. I have checked in with myself using all of my Mini Mermaid tools but nothing seemed to be shifting the sense of unease, anxiety and blugh… that is a technical name for a new feeling that I have just made up.

Anyway, in a bid to stop feeling sorry for myself I have done a fair bit of Facebook stalking and came across the following which has been written by an old friend I used to work with at Emmerdale. Leah was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer about 2 years ago and is an absolutely inspiration. She talks about her cancer with so much fight and bottle and has so much grace and gratitude in her actions. This piece that she has written has really resonates with me and I can only hope that I show as much fight, resolute and courage as her as I continue on my journey:

My reawakened manifesto for life:
Against the fear of cancer
Against my prognosis 
Against  negative expectations 
Against being told what to do
Against pity from others and myself
Against being diminished by cancer 
Against being defined by cancer
Against restricted by cancer
Against being bullied by cancer
Against death 

I EMBRACE the strength of my spirit 
I embrace every opportunity that cancer gives me to learn, to grow, to expand
I embrace my own instincts 
I embrace the path on which I find myself 
I embrace healing
I embrace laughter
I embrace joy
I embrace hope
I embrace gratitude 
I embrace spirit
I embrace the strength of my ancestors 
I embrace magic and miracles  
I embrace love of myself and of all beings 
Above all else I embrace LIFE
For I am a CANCER REBEL with a fierce heart, an independent mind, a warrior spirit, and an ocean of desire to keep on keeping on and making a difference and making a noise as long as there is sweet breath in my body. 
To LIFE. Long and sweet may it be for us all.

Leah Bracknell 2019

So my resolution for this week is to be thankful for all that I have (yes even the shoes being left at the bottom of the stairs) to embrace this craziness that is life, an interesting, dynamic and wonderful life and to continue to fight, to be that warrior that takes no prisoners. #CancerRebel

Until next time,

CC x

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