Actually, I’m not driving home, I’m currently shuffling down the motorway on my way back to Southampton for round 3 (ding ding, round 3!)
I have not been feeling great in the lead up to this one, don’t get me wrong, I have managed outwardly to be, ‘I’m fine, totally fine, nothing to worry about’ but inwardly it has been tough. I don’t know if it’s the time of year or because it’s been 2 months since my last treatment and so I’ve had more opportunity to think and catastrophize about the situation but the deep feeling of anxiety in the pit of my stomach has been difficult to ignore at times.
Me being me, I have gone into overdrive with the things that I can control. ALL Christmas presents were bought and wrapped by the first of December (please imagine the smug look on my face, Smuggy McSmuggeson)* and Mr-Me-Myself-And-Eye has been given the run down on what is for who and what needs to go by the tree and what needs to go in stockings causing many confused looks by him as he tries to understand my logic. My Ironman training has become more focussed rather than just messing around with a bit of running here, a swim there and my (indoor) bike sessions and swimming have both increased in distance and time. I have gutted the teenager’s room and cleaned and tidied it and have given her strict instructions to keep it that way otherwise she will feel the rath of Grandma (I always find it easier to outsource the discipline for my kids, mainly because they just roll their eyes in a ‘here she goes again’ way whenever I try) and I have pre ordered all of the online food shopping until the first week in January, just in case…
Having some form of control over what I can does help, it counteracts handing over my physical self to Dr Relaxed, Dr Laidback and Dr Knows His Shit but I did just check that they were all rested and not rundown (unlike the rest of us dragging ourselves to the Festive break) before setting off.
My uncle Mike also came up with a great analogy that I really relate to. He said that the treatments were like running a mile race on the track (4 and a bit laps – Have I mentioned that I like to run… 😉 ).
Lap one is ok because you don’t know what you are doing and it’s all a bit exciting, lap two, you are getting into your stride and you still feel ok. Lap 3 is the hardest because everything is starting to hurt, your body is telling you to stop because it is not normal and the lactic acid build up in your legs and lungs is causing you a world of pain. Lap 4 is the glory lap, the one where you know you are at the end and so give it your all and then there is the last bit when you basically blank out and then wonder how on earth you made it to the finish line!
This round is my lap 3, the one that is going to hurt the most mentally. If I can just get through this then the next one should be the glory lap and then a bit of blanking out and then I should be home and dry.
So as we fight our way through the endless traffic, heading into lap 3 and round 3, I want to wish you all a happy Christmas and Hanukkah Sameach. I appreciate all of your messages and well wishes and hopefully I’ll see you on the other side for lap 4!
Hx
*Obvs not the gift from Father Christmas!
Me, myself and eye 