I took a little hiatus from writing my blog, there was so many things going on and so many different emotions, I just had to take a step back to centre myself again. As the person that the crappy cancer is happening to, you spend a lot of time navigating and supporting other people through it, which I don’t mind at all, it means that I don’t have to focus on my own sizzle, but there are times when I just need to take a step back and breathe and pay my own feelings some attention. I am the QUEEN of brushing things under the carpet and so I am actually proud of myself for giving myself that time.
I had my mid Chemosaturation scans which showed a slight reduction in the tumours on my liver, although Dr Knows-His-Shit said that it wasn’t as much of a reduction as they would like to see, it is enough to continue with rounds 3 and 4 of the treatment. We are taking this as a win (we were due one) and so we are preparing to head to Southampton just before Christmas (happy Christmas to me!) My-Me-Myself-And-Eye has insisted that he comes with me this time, something about ‘supporting me’ (insert eye roll – just the one though…) but at least it means that I can be a moody horrible person to him and he just has to take it, after all, that is the role of a husband isn’t it?!
Whilst we have been celebrating this small win, there are others that I know that haven’t been as lucky. One incredible woman that I have met through our shared cancer journey had a really good response to her first Chemosat treatments on her liver tumours but unfortunately the Ocular Melanoma mets have spread rapidly and aggressively to basically the rest of her body which means that she can’t carry on with the Chemosat and she has to switch to a rather horrid treatment to try and get the other mets under control. This cancer really is the gift that keeps on giving… I’m gutted for her and I can’t help but feel guilty even though I know that what she is experiencing now will be me at some point.
I’ve also been spending quite a bit of time on my own, outside with my own thoughts, which I have found to be my kind of therapy. I think finding your own way of coping with things is really important. Whilst I am forever grateful for people’s advice and recommendations, I am very much of the mindset that I will find my way through this in a way that feels comfortable for me. We were away in Scotland recently and where we were staying had the most incredible sunrises on one side of us and then phenomenal sunsets on the other side, over the ocean. The absolute joy that it gave me to get up every morning and run or walk out to see the sunrise and then in the afternoon watch the sunset over the sea was life affirming. A simple act that made me happy and grateful to still be here. Whilst I don’t like to think that it might be the last time I get to go to places when I go away, it is definitely is in the back of my mind and so I want to make the most of them when I am there.
Aside from going away and navigating through mid point scans, I did let the cat out of the bag on the old socials that I have entered the Leeds Ironman (or as most of my friends have said IronWOMAN!! – absofuckinglutley!) I know I eluded to a big challenge in my last blog and so Tad Dar! This is it! It’s something that I have always wanted to do but have never been in a position to do it and so when I saw that it was in my home town, I just thought I had to give it a go! Obvs I have dragged a friend into doing it with me (sorry Debs! – I even tried to drag my 64 year old Uncle into it too!) and the incredible support that has flooded in for Debs and I has been overwhelming and has defo made it super exciting (and real…. gulp!) So watch out, I shall now become an Ironman bore and shall provide detailed explanations of ALL of my training in my next blogs (#jokes) but it is nice to have something else to focus on rather than just the cancer (not including the family and work obvs) So if anyone sees a couple of woman in their mid 40’s looking a bit unsteady on their bikes, it’s bound to be Debs and I (#teamcornewall) give us a shoutout please (as long as it’s not rude) and throw us a kitkat or something to keep us going!
Keep looking at those Sunrises my friends.
Hx
Me, myself and eye 